dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
