he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
