Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
