when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
