32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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