Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
