So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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