then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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