Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
