People in love make me want to vomit
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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