awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
