God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
