those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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