if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
