Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
