I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
