Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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