brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I love you. Go after that dick
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
