Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
