I just cut my nipple shaving
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
