My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
