if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
