Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
