Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I didn't shave. On purpose
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i used baking grease as lip gloss
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
