I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
