I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We need a shit load of segways right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
