I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
