wrigley field is MILF paradise
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
