i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
