Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
