I heard we made out
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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