Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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