I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
