i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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