i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
