i permit you to call me
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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