help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
