id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
