We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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