Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
