apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
