I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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