In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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