I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
