We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
BRING THE BAGELS
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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