I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
