Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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