In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
