Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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