I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i black out too much to be "responsible"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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