If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
OPIZZABONMYDICK
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
