I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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