No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
