he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
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