Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
