Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
