My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
