Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
