Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
