your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she pinky promised me she was 18
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
