Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
