god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
