White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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