Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
