Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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